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Archive for November 2015

The (Pacific) OCEAN – Model of Communication

Introducing OCEAN as a way of learning the skills of swimming through life: O = Own the problem; C = Change unhelpful thinking; E = Express the problem; A = Ask for help assertively; and N = Negotiate Now let’s learn OCEAN swimming skills, taking one step at a time. Own the problem is the…

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Mind-reading and False Expectations

Expecting your partner to read your mind and know what will make you happy is unrealistic and leads to disappointment and resentment. This works for both men and women equally. Life would be very tedious indeed if you had to anticipate what others wanted. “It would be like treading on eggshells, worrying about upsetting everyone.…

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Perception and Behaviour – Irritating Behaviours

I find this book (“Side by Side” by Jo Lamble & Sue Morris) so useful and straight forward that it doesn’t require any comments or additions. There it is – another take-home message: ‘Hierarchy of irritating behaviours: Think of the five most irritating things your partner does. Rank them in order from least to most…

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Challenging Unhelpful Thoughts

Important! New thoughts do not have to be falsely positive (wishful thinking), but realistic thoughts. The bottom line is to aim for calmness, less anger and/or less anxiety. Shifting in emotion might be enough to produce a more helpful and productive behaviour. So as to work out the new thoughts, it is useful to ask…

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What causes Feelings & Behaviour?

A Situation triggers Thoughts that cause Feelings & Behaviour Clear thinking is based on the premise that the way you think influences the way you feel and how you behave. In other words, it is your interpretation or opinion about a situation that causes you to feel the way you do. Your interpretation of a…

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“Side by Side”

“How to think differently about your relationship.” by Jo Lamble & Sue Morris There are five important conclusions to keep in mind: Without commitment, a relationship is doomed. A relationship is about walking side by side along the same path. Thinking clearly is everything. It’s up to you. There is no perfect relationship. And ….…

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