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“Side by Side”

“How to think differently about your relationship.” by Jo Lamble & Sue Morris

There are five important conclusions to keep in mind:

  1. Without commitment, a relationship is doomed.
  2. A relationship is about walking side by side along the same path.
  3. Thinking clearly is everything.
  4. It’s up to you.
  5. There is no perfect relationship.

And …. the lighter side:

A little gem from the internet. (Source unknown)

How to shower like a woman:

  1. Take off clothing and place it in separate laundry baskets according to lights and darks.
  2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
  3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you’re getting fat.
  4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah and pumice stone.
  5. Wash your hair once with shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
  6. Wash your hair again with shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
  7. Condition your hair with conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
  8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
  9. Wash entire rest of body with body wash.
  10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
  11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get waxed instead.
  12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
  13. Turn off shower.
  14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with bleach.
  15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second tower.
  16. Check entire body for remotest sign of a blemish. Attack if found.
  17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
  18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

How to shower like a man:

  1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed leaving them in a pile.
  2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake willy at her making the ‘woo’ sound.
  3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your willy in the mirror, scratch your ‘privates’ and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
  4. Get in the shower.
  5. Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’t use one).
  6. Wash your face.
  7. Wash your armpits.
  8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
  9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
  10. Wash your bum, leaving hair on the soap.
  11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
  12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
  13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
  14. Piss (in the shower).
  15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
  16. Partially dry off.
  17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire willy size again.
  18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
  19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
  20. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your willy, go ‘Yeah baby’ and thrust your pelvis at her.
  21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed.

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